Sunday, 27 November 2016

Slim Down Sunday: Weeks 70 - 82

Honestly?  Where do I start?  This is the post I've been dreading but I've known it was coming.  I'm ashamed and heartbroken, I'm very annoyed with myself and I know I've let myself down.  I never know when I'm writing about myself what to share.  I'm an open person, if you ask me something then I give you an honest answer but I never know if anyone is that bothered about the person I am.  I'm not being funny when I say that either but I know you're mostly here for the nails and that's fair enough!  
 

Anyway, I've mentioned on my Facebook page and in passing I've had a tough year.  My life this year has done a complete 180 on everything I ever knew because at the start of 2016 I made the decision to separate from my husband after ten years.  Wow, just writing that down kills me because although it was my decision, he's such a lovely man but it just wasn't right.  We are both 31 and I knew that we were young enough to start again.  Is this an excuse - I'm not sure - as to why I've struggled once again with my weight.  I'm presuming it's an excuse but the reality is I have felt like I am just desperately trying to keep all aspects of myself in some sort of order and my weight has spiralled out of control again.  My personal life has been rocky as I worked out my next steps moving forward.

Separating after such a long time together is definitely a grieving process.  I am grieving for the life I had, the loss of that person that you knew so well and your world turning upside down.  Everything I ever knew has gone, like it never existed.  It's easy to forget that although it was my decision entirely in this case, I was only following my heart, being true to myself and I am still suffering a huge loss to my life that of course in time, will heal.
 
 
I am however, lucky enough to have met my lovely boyfriend Rich and together with my parents and a close handful of friends he has helped picked me up when I have fallen to pieces.  (Cue the tears at the thought, I'm such a girl.)  If you follow me on Snapchat (username- liverpoollashes) you'll know Rich pretty well as he's always on it.  Anyway, to add to all the changes going on, I've moved 200 miles away to near Cardiff to be with him but travel fortnightly back up north to keep my client base going there as well as try to see my family and friends.  I miss my cats terribly as we are slowly trying to make arrangements to bring them down here with me.

At the start of the year I had lost a staggering 76lbs (nearly five and a half stone) and I felt amazing and looked so different to what I looked like at the start of 2015.  I'm so gutted to tell you that I've put on a whooping 3 stone (42lbs) since the start of the year.  I'm so embarrassed that I have once again let my issues with food take hold of me again and I'm back to binge eating.  I know there's no point dwelling on it as I just need to kick myself up the backside and get on with it.
 

January 2015                                  December 2015
I have to tell you this which is almost laughable though, Rich himself has lost 7 stone and is now a Weight Watchers Leader in Cardiff.  I'm there at most of his classes so if you were local and joined we would have a hoot.  Anyway, despite him being a leader he still has his issues with food so understands me but I know he can't help if I eat in secret.  
 
I'm telling you all this because talking to you previously was how I got as far as I did.  I'm mortified  and heartbroken that I didn't manage to keep it going as I was convinced I had cracked it but as many of us know, take your eye off the ball and the weight creeps on.  I need put these weight gains to a grinding halt and start losing what I've gained.  I do however have huge obstacles ahead, firstly being that on Tuesday I am going to Las Vegas for a week.  Second of course is Christmas but I didn't let that stop me last year and continued to lose pretty much throughout.  
 
So let me tell you my plan, I'm back to calorie counting and I have been for the majority of the last week.  I could of course follow Weight Watchers - I am not currently a member but living with a leader if I decide to switch then I know he can guide me.  For now however, I will stick to what I know.  I need to get back into the habit of being more active again as I know this will boost my confidence as I do feel myself retreating back into my shell again and wanting to hide. 
 
I've written this post, not for sympathy as I have done this to myself but in the hope that it will trigger the strength to carry on once again slimming down.  I know that Vegas will be a struggle but hopefully I will eat more mindfully.  I have a lot to talk about and although I obviously don't want to make my separation completely public, I have even considered writing about it in a way to help others who may be going through the same thing.  I am also considering talking about what I refer to as my 'dark time' which happened back in 2012/2013 and when I actually started the blog part of LiverpoolLashes.  Please, if you think you'd be interested then either topic, direct message me on Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat (@liverpoollashes) and if I have a decent response then I will.  You actually help me more than you'll ever know so I want to give back.  

I possibly won't get time for a Slim Down Sunday post next week as I'll be away but I am planning to be back up and running with it as of the following week, every week without excuses because clearly that's what I need to do, I need to beat this once and for all.
  • Every day we have a choice, it's a fresh start and the most important part from any healthy eating plan is to just try and make as many days, good ones.
  • Losing a pound a week is still over three and a half stone in a year.
  • If you're feeling particularly down about your weight, remember that if you stick to a balanced diet then by this time next week you could have dropped quite a few pounds, just the kick start you need to get going!  Even just by cutting down on treats you could make a difference, how good would that feel?!
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If you want to read my previous Slim Down Sunday posts - click here.
If you want to read my explanation of Slimming World - click here.
If you want to read my explanation of calorie counting and basic weight loss methods - click here.

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3 comments:

  1. Hi karen
    I have lost a significant amount of weight recently, nothing like your success, keeping it off is hard, I find I need a goal, something to work for, an event, at the mo I haven't one, so things are starting to slide a little,
    I would ( if I were you ) look at the success, what you have achieved, the wonderful person you are, hard not to beat yourself up I know ( I do it often enough ) but your AWSOME and what you do is, you will get back on track, sometimes, life is just so stressful you have to prioritize differently, then pick the baton up again when in a better place,
    2017 is around the corner, have a fabulous Christmas, then start again, it's what I intend to do. Xx.
    Good luck, lots of love X X X X

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  2. Oh Karen, bless you. As someone who made a very similar decision to leave my first husband after 12 years, I completely felt for you there. You have to be true to yourself though and youd have done him and yourself a huge injustice just staying for the sake of a peaceful life.

    I'm currently sitting in thr pub with my new husband and our four year old son with a nail business that my husband has totally encouraged me to do and loving a hugely different life in the Forest of Dean - very different from the life I had in London. It's amazing what life throws at you - embrace it and enjoy. If you ever need to talk to someone who's been there and is impartial in your life, I'm an hour away xx

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  3. Hey Karen. It's Sandy (Thelmalou475) Firstly, I am giving you a big hug. Secondly, you are being so hard on yourself. And thirdly what a HUGE undertaking you have taken on this past year! A separation which of course you know is as stressful as a death of a loved one, and if you think about it, it is a death of you in a sense..you aren't that Karen anymore, secondly, another relationship, I have no doubt you are happy sweetie but there is stress in falling in love, third, you are a mom now, fourth, your pets aren't with you, fifth a move....gosh Karen the list goes on and on!!!! No wonder you have turned to food again in your life!! Who wouldn't?? Karen you lost so much weight. You should be proud. You did it once and you will do it again when your life is more balanced. You have to give it time....God, I'm going on like a mom. Well I am a mom!! Calm yourself, down. Go to Vegas and you have a blast. Eat all the food you want. You're on a well deserved vacation! I love your snaps. I follow you on everything and I never reply but I couldn't let this blog post go by without an encouraging word. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for sweetie. Pat yourself on the back. You will do this. I promise! *big hug* My beautiful English Rose x

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