For so many reasons, this has been a difficult week, both personally and professionally because I've been so busy. I've spent the week confused, I literally can't get my head around the weight I've lost. Honestly, towards the end of last week and the start of this week I feel like I spent it in a daze, this is so surreal for me. Obviously it's amazing but it doesn't feel real at all.
I'm convinced that any minute someone is going to pop up and steal it all away from me. Every time I see someone now I get gasps and congratulations with people calling me "skinny" (I'm not by far - trust me!) and it feels like it's not really happening to me. I touch my shoulders and my face and I can feel the bones underneath which I literally couldn't do before. One of my clients noticed the shape I now have to my back, it's smooth and defined. This week I shared some before and current photos of me with my friends and family and the response I got was unbelievable. The comments I received and private messages saying things like they showed their mum my photos and she could hardly believe it is the same person. In time I hope to share those photos with you but right now I don't feel like I'm ready to put them up online. It's so embarrassing that allowed myself to look like that but I have to accept that that is my past.
I've been out for a couple of meals this week and I literally just picked what I fancied. Now that I'm over half way I don't want to slack as that will delay this process but I do want to allow myself a little more choice. I feel like without that I may not be able to see the full process through. I hope to be finished with this by the end of January, that would mean I would have lost 7 stone (98lbs) in ten months. My heart says I can do it, I'm a determined person and anything I want I typically will make happen - it's just whether my head wants to cooperate.
Now that I'm slimming down i'm finding bizarre attention from strangers. I'm a married woman but I feel eyes on me and look over and there's a man looking at me in the supermarket, things like that. I've even had wolf whistles when I've been out walking, how embarassing. It's almost hilarious to me and very odd. I was definitely invisible when I was at my highest weight, in general by others.
Unless you've suffered yourself, you'll never really understand what an addiction to food is. I don't mean that you have five Oreos instead of two, I'm talking when there's literally a voice inside your head that's telling you that there's a pack of Oreos in the kitchen and you need to finish them off immediately. This is actually what used to happen to me. Obviously it was my imagination but it would keep repeating it until I caved in. Perhaps it's just greed or a lack of self control some might say, I can't answer that, I can only tell you that there was and probably still is a faulty switch in my head that means I'll cram food in whether I'm full or not. It's not easy to talk about all of this, I'd rather portray a petite, perfect lady who has an amazingly toned figure but if you're someone like me and you realize that you're not alone then my work is done.
On Monday I went clothes shopping, I didn't intend to buy very many things, just a few bits to tide me over as many of my clothes are now starting to look far too oversized for my new frame. Now I'll tell you this, I was probably a UK size 22 or even a 24 and in some cases - a 26 - so needless to say I struggled to get clothes that were remotely age appropriate which of course, was my own doing. It's hard to flatter such a figure as you can either go bigger and hide your rolls or go tighter and show your rolls off - neither in my opinion is very good. I'm now roughly a UK size 18 for quite a few things. When I walked into New Look it was like an out of body experience as I didn't have to head to their Inspire range (plus size line) and I wandered around the entire shop like a "normal person" - you have no idea how good that felt. I've not done that in so long that it just felt so odd to me and just added to the huge amount of confusion I feel over my size. I'm not entirely sure when this is going to click that I'm not that huge person I used to be anymore, yes I'm still overweight by far but I'm working on it.
|I literally managed less than half of this!|
After a conversation about food addiction with a friend on Tuesday and various other friends, I did feel like I've cracked it. I was saying that I no longer feel that urge to go and stuff my face but unfortunately, I feel like towards the end of this week it's started to creep back. I don't want to dwell on this too much because I hope that this was more an emotional blip but these posts shall always be completely honest. I did cave and overeat by a couple of hundred calories on the days leading up to the weigh in today which was getting me more upset and nervous for today's result.
So onto today's weigh in which I was completely dreading but knew I had to go through to continue to where I want to be. So I lost 2lbs this week bringing me to a total of 3 stone 10lbs (52lbs) in 18 weeks. Honestly, this was a lucky escape for me, I feel like I was let off lightly. I knew that once I'd gotten over this hurdle, I could then start fresh and that's what I hope to do. Next Sunday I shall be at Professional Beauty North so I plan to weigh in on Saturday instead but I'm hoping to get closer to my four stone goal, after all I'm only 5lbs away from it now!
- Every day we have a choice, it's a fresh start and the most important part from any healthy eating plan is to just try and make as many days, good ones.
- Losing a pound a week is still over three and a half stone in a year!
- If you're feeling particularly down about your weight, remember that if you stick to a balanced diet then by this time next week you could have dropped quite a few pounds, just the kick start you need to get going! Even just by cutting down on treats you could make a difference, how good would that feel?!
Why not come and be my friend on the My Fitness Pal app - search for 'liverpoollashes'
If you have a FitBit then why not be my friend on that and send me a challenge? click here.
If you want to read my previous Slim Down Sunday posts - click here.
If you want to read my explanation of Slimming World - click here.
If you want to read my explanation of calorie counting and basic weight loss methods - click here.